Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
