Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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