I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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