the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
