you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Boobs are out for the taking
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
