cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
40s are totally the cure
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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