hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
