Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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