I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
