According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
is wine microwaveable?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
