I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
