I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
