my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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