i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
