Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
