Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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