I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
