I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
