She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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