I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
