I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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