ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
