I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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