yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
