Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
