Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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