i just google imaged poop.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
