He kissed a someone with a penis
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
