hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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