Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
