Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
