i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
