Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
