"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
In America we eat man semen.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
