There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
