areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
