No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
