A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
