wrigley field is MILF paradise
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
