I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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