did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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