honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
