Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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