Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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