you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
