i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
