Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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