Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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