Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(765): View more from Indiana

I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college

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(310): View more from California

i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?

(856): View more from New Jersey

yea

(1-856): View more from New Jersey

turns out that you did...and i just found it.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.

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(904): View more from Florida

Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i drank out of a bidet.

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(212): View more from New York

you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize

(212): View more from New York

its the right thing to do

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(847): View more from Illinois

She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.

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