Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
