ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
