I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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